Payback

As ALS begins to worm its tentacles throughout the muscles that help you breathe, (and let’s face it: none of us EVER think about breathing… until we can’t), you find yourself becoming reliant on some form of breathing support apparatus. In my case, it’s a BiPap.


One of the really great things about being on a BiPap is that all your air is filtered. Now, while this is a little disheartening when you’re in the kitchen and something good is cooking, it takes on almost life-saving proportions when someone (including moi) has the temerity to create odiferous emanations from a lower bodily orifice. The Flatus Maximus emanations generally never breach your nostrils.


But there is a really, really important secret you must never tell anyone. Otherwise, your life will be at risk. The filter on the breathing apparatus intake is readily available to those miscreants who would thoroughly enjoy harassing your crippled ass. If they find out about the filter, there is nothing on this earth you can do to stop them from putting the nastiest, and filthiest smells next to the filter intake. Trust me, it will give them hours of non-stop enjoyment, totally at your expense. The bastards will claim it’s recompense for prior benevolent gaseous donations to the atmosphere. The winners always change history!